Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
