Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The ass gains better be worth it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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