Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
