i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
