well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
