it's too hot outside to masturbate.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
