"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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