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• (734): View more from Michigan

  You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"

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• (631): View more from New York

  So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  He's only going to be gone for two weeks

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  That's two months in gay whore years.

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.

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• (559): View more from California

  I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.

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