Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
