I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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