margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
