There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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