just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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