Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
its liver damage thursday
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