New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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