so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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