She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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