Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
