it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She bit a glass in half.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
