i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
