Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
