At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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