So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
