were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
