Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
