Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
