Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
