Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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