New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
