they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
