There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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