I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
