I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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