After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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