Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
