And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
