So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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