he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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