you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
