so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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