I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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