ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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