You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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