I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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