it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
