sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Holy sore nipples Batman
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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