I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
