I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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