Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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