Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
